I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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