if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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