If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
