this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
