Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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