Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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