I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
