Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
