We need to rekindle our bromance
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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