Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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You. Win. At. Life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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