you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
