if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it hurts more in the daytime
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Acid is not a monday night drug
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
