i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I see more hoeing in ur future
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