i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize