he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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