I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
