one might say we're banned from that church
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
