Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
