Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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