Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
