last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
