Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
