Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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