you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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