I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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