Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
