I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
