I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
