Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
