are you so shy because you have an std?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
