theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I had to cum in my sink.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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