Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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