ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
