Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
