Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You left your phone here
Wait...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
