Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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