She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
