tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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