there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
