This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
