is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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