My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
