This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
