The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
