I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
