I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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