Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont even know how to be here
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
