that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
