respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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