i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
