Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
