Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My breasts were aching with rage.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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