I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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