shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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