My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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