Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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