i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
