as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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