just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
