So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
