Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dear god my vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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