Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
