I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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