wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
