i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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