i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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