that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
In other news, I just burned my penis
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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