filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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