I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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