Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
