i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My vagina is officially offended.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
